Intention

On November 2, 2013, I found a missing piece. 

When I was little, being outdoors was pure joy to me, a second home.  I rolled in the dirt and ate persimmons off the tree and purslane from the garden.  I stared at the Milky Way for hours at my grandparent’s farm.  I napped under the huge oak tree in my front yard and ran outside in my bathing suit for summer thunderstorms.  And death, always death.  From the time the neighbor boy and I buried an opossum we’d found and I suggested a month later we dig it up to see what it looked like.  “Can’t. “ He whispered.  “We’ll go to hell.”   I was intrigued.

As I got older the natural progression was to dive into books about the occult.  Ghosts, vampires, doppelgängers and other mysterious phenomenon.  Then I found the infamous “big blue book” by R. Buckland, which I carried around all through junior high school with an intimidating look on my face and a near-constant black dress.  In high school it was the Greek pantheon, and, when I got pregnant a couple years after graduation, I called on Artemis to aid me in childbirth.  I dreamt of a white bear and interpreted it to be her presence.  I learned what polytheism is.  I also learned you can get stung pretty bad if people figure out that you’re into this stuff.  I started keeping it to myself.

Over the years I jumped around general research about witchcraft, hedgecraft, druidry.  Then I almost died from pulmonary embolisms and suddenly got real about my mortality.  I didn’t want to feel alone anymore, but I hadn’t felt that “connection” in a long time.

I joined Ár nDraíocht Féin and attended a Druidry workshop in a neighboring city.  It was ok but I didn’t really connect with anyone there or the feeling of the place.  I was still afraid to talk to people about my beliefs in real life, and I continued to live in my head, reading and planning but not really doing anything about a real practice.  As a part of my ongoing stalking (haha) I joined the Facebook page of a local ADF protogrove.  They posted an open event for Samhain and the theme would be Norse.  Okay, okay, I can do this.  I pumped myself up and just went.  The group was welcoming and even though I was shy and unsure, I joined in my (very first!) ritual.  I liked the feeling and the format, and I later found out that the group was also members of an Asatrú kindred.  What the heck is Asatrú?  I wondered.

I went home and started reading, and reading, and reading.  But this was different!  I so strongly connected with everything I was learning about Heathenry.  I started joining some Facebook groups and I didn’t even care that friends and family could see what I was posting.  HEATHEN.  THIS was the name for what I have felt my whole life and I suddenly didn’t care if everyone knew it.  I wasn’t ashamed or embarrassed anymore and it was liberating.

This blog is dedicated to my house and land spirits, my ancestors and the Aesir and the Vanir.    This is my journey to connect with them.